of The News-Sentinel
Today is my youngest child's wedding day. Jonathan is my third son to get married.
As I did with his two older brothers, I used the 10 days leading up to the wedding to send him a daily email with a “Marriage Tip of the Day” compiled from the experience of my four decades of marriage to the same wonderful woman.
I created the list prior to my oldest son's wedding. I wrote to Jonathan the following words when I sent him Tip No. 1 last week: “In the days leading up to their weddings, I sent both of your brothers 10 marriage tips I compiled from my own years of learning how to be a better husband. I'd like to send them to you as well. I'm still learning, of course, but these tips are suggestions I believe will be good investments in a happy marriage. I'll send you one each day.”
As I did with his two older brothers, I used the 10 days leading up to the wedding to send him a daily email with a “Marriage Tip of the Day” compiled from the experience of my four decades of marriage to the same wonderful woman.
I created the list prior to my oldest son's wedding. I wrote to Jonathan the following words when I sent him Tip No. 1 last week: “In the days leading up to their weddings, I sent both of your brothers 10 marriage tips I compiled from my own years of learning how to be a better husband. I'd like to send them to you as well. I'm still learning, of course, but these tips are suggestions I believe will be good investments in a happy marriage. I'll send you one each day.”
And so on this happy occasion in our family, I thought it wouldn't hurt to share these tips with readers as well. Let me just add that I'm far from a perfect husband and admittedly fail on each count now and then.
My 10 “Marriage Tips of the Day” for you:
1. Never say, “Goodbye” without also saying, “I love you.”
2. Never insist on “being right” or having the last word in a disagreement.
3. If at all possible, settle arguments and misunderstandings right away – before you go to bed – and always say you're sorry when you are wrong (and sometimes when you're not).
4. Don't keep secrets from her. It destroys trust.
5. Be a leader. Be decisive. She wants you to make decisions. Just be sure you include her in making the big ones.
6. Communicate. She wants to hear it all. She needs you to talk to her in details, so don't be reluctant to open up. Don't assume she knows what you want or how you feel. She can't read your mind.
7. Praise her – not just when you're alone, but in public as well. It could do wonders for her self-esteem.
8. Never criticize her. Words can cut deeply. Discuss things with her in a way that does not condemn or belittle her. And just as she should not presume she can change the way you are, don't presume her personality traits will change after you are married. What you see is what you get.
9. Put her first. Unselfishness is solid evidence of unconditional love. Unconditional love is not based on feelings, circumstances or any other qualifications she has to meet to earn it.
10. Never forget that true love is more than feelings. You won't always “feel” the love you've felt before marriage.
With marriage, love becomes a commitment, no matter how you feel at different times. What happens if she loses her beauty, her sexual desire or some other part of her that could change with time or tragedy?
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