Well, having listened to it pretty much non-stop all day, I can say - with a hint of regret and just a pinch of disappointment - that it isn't that album. It is, however, a very nearly perfect onslaught of addictive, finely-tuned power-pop. Imagine the slightly over-heated soundtrack to a bad 80's movie merged with everything Madonna wishes she could have been - and then some!
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1. Marry The Night - One of my favourite tracks off the album, it was initially lined up to be the lead single, before the eponymous Born This Way took preference. It starts off slow, the pained melodrama heavily suggesting that this is going to be the first of many self-indulgent soft-rock ballads. Alas, the Whitney Houston-esque pop finally kicks in, the tempo increases, and it turns in to one Hell of an opening track. Is it as fierce an opener as Bad Romance? Probably not, but it sounds fantastic. 9/10.
2. Born This Way -- The namesake of the album and the first single to be released, Born This Way is pure pop perfection. Critics and fans abound have likened it to Madonna's rather bland Express Yourself, but I don't think the comparison holds much weight. This song sets her up as the clarion of the dispossessed - and her constant and shameless 'hijacking' of the numerous minority groups and communities she references does, at times, start to grate. 8/10.
3. Government Hooker -- Easily the most anticipated track off the album, after a tantalizingly catchy remix was debuted at a Mugler fashion show. It is glaringly obvious that this is a pseudo-tribute to Marilyn Monroe and other political mistresses who have been used and abused by the system. This is also the first time on the album that Lady Gaga dares to venture out of soft-pop territory and stomp right in to hard-hitting, grimy Euro-house. The chorus is ridiculously catchy, but the tempo seems a tad too slow. 7/10.
4. Judas -- The second single off the album and a typical Gaga song - big, brash, controversial and camp. The beats are relentless, and the lyrics are ever-so-lightly poetic and heavily rooted in religion. 9/10.
5. Americano -- A bizarre but oddly elegant mixture of Hispanic foot-tapping and sledge-hammering techno. She sings in two languages throughout, and references Arizona's controversial Immigration Law. It has also been compared to Alejandro, a runaway hit from her last album. The track begins well, but loses it's way in heavy production and bass halfway through. Perhaps it would have been better off as a slightly up-tempo ballad. 8/10.
6. Hair -- Another of my personal favourites, and a cheesy Glee cover in the making. Many critics have branded the song a meaningless, irrelevant embarrassment, but I couldn't disagree more. The song is very well produced, the lyrics are fantastic and it's the first song where Gaga truly has fun and stops taking herself so damned seriously! Again, it seamlessly meshes 80's power pop with elements of rock and heavy metal - a theme that pops up a lot over the album's 14 tracks. 9/10.
7. Scheisse -- This song is her most experimental so far. She completely abandons her by-the-numbers pop and dives straight in to the hard-hitting German club scene. The beats are reminiscent of early 90's euphoria, and the chorus is mind-numbingly infectious. 9/10.
8. Bloody Mary -- Perhaps the rather downbeat and strangely beautiful flipside to Judas. The religious symbolism continues, and the tune is absolutely fantastic. Most certainly not a club-banger, but not quite a ballad either. It sits uncomfortably in the middle, and definitely stands out stylistically. 8/10.
9. Bad Kids -- The only track on the album I actually skipped over - a big disappointment, and yet another example of how a perfectly brilliant artist such as Gaga can still get totally and utterly lost in over-production. The angry lyrics are, by now, a wasted and banal cliche. The chorus seems totally disembodied from the rest of the song, and evokes early High School Musical efforts. 5/10.
10. Highway Unicorn (Road To Love) -- Total cheese, and Gaga's Don't Stop Believing. Again, it seems to struggle under the sheer weight of all the unnecessary production. It begins well, with a few melodramatic, heavy metal moments, but then it gets messy. Very messy. 6/10.
11. Heavy Metal Lover -- My hands-down favourite. It's complex, dark, macabre, and a Hell of a lot more hardcore than anything similar by Rihanna or Britney. The song deals with themes such as group sex and BDSM, and contains the utterly fantastic lyric 'I want your whiskey mouth/All over my blond south'. The eerily soft humming and relentlessly pounding electronica that comprises the chorus is total genius. A definite 4th single, if she has any sense. 10/10.
12. Electric Chapel -- Probably the closest Gaga gets to heavy metal/rock on the album, with numerous guitar riffs opening the track before a soft-spoken and breathy chorus takes over. This is where Gaga truly excels in pushing the boundaries of conventional pop, and while it is not as exciting as the other tracks on the album, it is definitely head-and-shoulders above the work of any chart contenders. 8/10.
13. You And I -- At last, a brief reprieve from almost 45 minutes of relentless bass! This is the album's sole ballad, and even this suffers from over-production in some areas. The song features Queen guitarist Brian May, and the track certainly evokes elements of We Will Rock You. It is a country sing-along classic in the making, but I wonder what would have happened had she left the drum and bass out of it and just sat down at her piano, with only the ivory keys and her voice left to do the talking? 9/10.
14. The Edge Of Glory -- Not quite the climax I was expecting or even remotely hoping for. It has been heavily hyped by critics and fans alike, but I don't quite get the fuss. It is a pretty standard pop number, featuring a rather corny saxophone solo near the end. The song is, we're told, dedicated to her late Grandfather. So it is rather odd to find themes of romantic love and sex abound. Still, it's pretty tame considering what has come before. A disappointing end after a near perfect beginning. 7/10.
So there we have it! Another review that holds absolutely zero weight on your decision-making process! Still, as one of her late-on-the-bandwagon fans (and I'm still finding the 'paws up' bit slightly ridiculous) I was expecting something mesmerizing. In many ways, I got my wish. The album is so much more accomplished than The Fame Monster, and her musical style has changed, if only by a fraction of a hair.
The opening and closing tracks (with the exception of The Edge Of Glory) are practically flawless and push all the right boundaries and artistic limits. The sounds are edgier and more exciting. Doubtless the accompanying videos will be something so very beyond legendary.
Yet the middle is slightly confusing and chronically over-produced. Like a bridge with a weak center, the whole effort would have surely collapsed had it not been for the exceptionally strong keystones at either end. This inevitably gave off the impression that she had rushed parts of the album and had sprinted flat-out to the finish solely to please all those watching her, rather than sitting down, taking a few (more) months and tying up any loose ends.
Ultimately, it isn't the masterpiece we were promised. But it isn't a let-down either. Lady Gaga has accomplished what she set out to do, by pushing the boundaries of the pop genre, pushing herself, and thrilling her army of adoring fans with a mammoth masterclass in musical brilliance. She isn't quite there yet, and she definitely hasn't peaked. But one thing is certain - she has changed the face of the music industry for good, and has raised the standards by which all up-and-coming pop artists must be judged.
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